We return to the WND Top Ten - Sleeping Perfection

What Now?

I'm back with #5 in my own personal What Now Dad top ten post list. I have gone with a post that describes the bed time routine of my wife, who, admittedly goes through this insane ritual and still does not sleep that great. I now know what her nights are like as I myself, a champion among champion sleepers, has had a few restless nights. One new item to add to her list includes propping a magazine in the window at just the right spot to block out any light coming from the outside street light located about half a block away. Oh, and it's just the light that is not getting blocked by the two massive trees we have in our front yard, oh and the closed blinds too. That is some persistent light that she has to shade...no wonder she has a hard time sleeping!

Sleeping with the bionic woman.

When reading the title of this post there is a chance you might think I am writing about something else...something sexual. Before you get too excited please rest assured that this is about sleep, and nothing more than sleep. It should still entertain you, but I didn't want your hopes built up and then squashed like a bug. So with that, here goes...

I am one of those people that has no problem whatsoever sleeping. I fall asleep fast, stay asleep all night, and wake up refreshed and ready for the day (for the most part). My wife on the other hand is the complete and total opposite. It takes her forever to get to sleep, she will wake up at just about anything (to be explained further) and mornings are, let's just say a little rough on her.

Her pre-bed routine goes a little something like this:

1. Make sure all lights are out, including, but not limited too nightlights, street lights, flash lights, lighting and lightning bugs. And I mean out! If you think that closing a door of a bathroom with a nightlight is sufficient, you are so wrong.

2. Make sure the white noise is on and set at the proper volume. In our bedroom the bedroom fan serves this purpose. To control the volume the door to the bathroom must be no more and no less than 6 inches open. Stray from this measurement will only require trying again.

3. Make sure all 6 pillows are in their proper place. I think she could have double this amount, but then I would be sleeping on the floor.

4. Make sure the door to the girls room is open the right amount. This is close to the 6 inch rule for our bathroom door, but there is a little more flexibility here.

5. Make sure the TV is on, but at a low volume, until she is close to sleep. If she is in control of this I get to watch some fat chick cooking and not being able to hear what she is talking about. If I am in control I can watch what I like, but still not hear.

She may also need a little "self-medication" help in the form of a Tylenol PM, but that is only in extreme circumstances. If all five steps are taken care of then it should only take an hour or two for her to drift into dreamland. If any of the above steps are changed while she is sleeping then the chances of her waking are high and it will take another couple of hours for her to get back to sleep. When you throw in visits from our youngest at 2am you can guess what the result is.

I try to skimp on some of the steps, but like the title says, I sleep with the bionic woman. Any flicker of light, variation in white noise or doors open or closed any more or less than the desired amount will be like a blaring alarm to her and will be required to be fixed. The woman has the thinnest eyelids and most sensitive hearing of any one person I know.

Fortunately for me, as I mentioned before, I sleep very well. So even with all the prep that needs to happen I can get the winks I need without much fuss. I love her to death, but I will never understand her sleep issues, thank god!

PEACE OUT DADS!!!

Daddy needs sleep!

WHAT NOW?

I will go on record right now and say that sleep is my number 1b thing to do in bed. Number 1a is of course sex, duh....but sleep is so close that I can't even say it's number 2. I love sleep. I have been a great sleeper since early childhood, from the stories I hear. As a teen I could sleep until 1pm during the summer time and not think twice about it. My senior year in high school a small earthquake hit about 300 miles away from our home town and I slept right though it. I sleep hard, and thus don't need as many hours during the night to get some really good rest. I have already chronicled, in great detail, the routine my wife must go through every night just to get to sleep and stay that way. For me, there is no routine needed. I hit the sheets, close my eyes, and in a few short minuets I am off to dreamland. There was nothing that could really disturb my peaceful slumber until something came along about 7 1/2 years ago....kids. From the day my oldest was born until last night I can't go more than a couple of nights in a row without getting woken up by one of my lovely, darling children. They are both guilty but have gone about their crimes in completely different ways. My oldest slept in our bed from about birth until about 2ish. I'll give you all one guess as to who thought that was a good idea. After that she has pretty much stayed in her bed and is showing the signs of having my sleeping genes. We started things much different with my youngest. She stayed in her crib/bed pretty well until she reached about 3ish, then decided that our bed was way better than hers. She would make 1-2 late night trips to our room and want to get into bed with us. It didn't take her long to figure out that her request would most likely be granted by Mom who was too tired to argue. I wouldn't find out she was snuggled up between us until her foot found it's way into my back. Then I would wake up, carry her to her bed, and then get back to bed. Again, it does not take long for me to find my way back to sleeping, but I still don't like the interruption. This winter I thought we had her trained to stay in her bed the whole night. Instead of the usual nightly trip(s) it was just once a week, or once every 10 days. Then we take a trip and share a condo with my in-laws, meaning we all share a room. My oldest crashed on the couch while my youngest had her dreams come true and share the bed with my wife and I, every night, all night...for 10 straight days. Ever since we got back she is back to the nightly visits. She will take the occasional night off, which my wife and I call the GOOD NIGHTS, but for the most part she is there, waking me up. The other major problem is she keeps getting bigger, meaning I have to carry more and the chance of a slipped disk or twisted ankle increases with every late night trip. Last night was a two tripper plus a "daddy, can you come in the bathroom with me while I go potty" night. Needless to say I am sipping on the 64 ounce coffee mug while I write this post, googling what the long term affects are from giving your child cough medicine every night, whether they have a cough or not. Well, only 15 more hours until I get to sleep again, unless my wife wants to get some...she is always bugging me for it. She must know it has 1a status or something.


PEACE OUT DADS!!!

Sleeping with the bionic woman

When reading the title of this post there is a chance you might think I am writing about something else...something sexual. Before you get too excited please rest assured that this is about sleep, and nothing more than sleep. It should still entertain you, but I didn't want your hopes built up and then squashed like a bug. So with that, here goes...

I am one of those people that has no problem whatsoever sleeping. I fall asleep fast, stay asleep all night, and wake up refreshed and ready for the day (for the most part). My wife on the other hand is the complete and total opposite. It takes her forever to get to sleep, she will wake up at just about anything (to be explained further) and mornings are, let's just say a little rough on her.

Her pre-bed routine goes a little something like this:

1. Make sure all lights are out, including, but not limited too nightlights, street lights, flash lights, lighting and lightning bugs. And I mean out! If you think that closing a door of a bathroom with a nightlight is sufficient, you are so wrong.

2. Make sure the white noise is on and set at the proper volume. In our bedroom the bedroom fan serves this purpose. To control the volume the door to the bathroom must be no more and no less than 6 inches open. Stray from this measurement will only require trying again.

3. Make sure all 6 pillows are in their proper place. I think she could have double this amount, but then I would be sleeping on the floor.

4. Make sure the door to the girls room is open the right amount. This is close to the 6 inch rule for our bathroom door, but there is a little more flexibility here.

5. Make sure the TV is on, but at a low volume, until she is close to sleep. If she is in control of this I get to watch some fat chick cooking and not being able to hear what she is talking about. If I am in control I can watch what I like, but still not hear.

She may also need a little "self-medication" help in the form of a Tylenol PM, but that is only in extreme circumstances. If all five steps are taken care of then it should only take an hour or two for her to drift into dreamland. If any of the above steps are changed while she is sleeping then the chances of her waking are high and it will take another couple of hours for her to get back to sleep. When you through in visits from our youngest at 2am you can guess what the result is.

I try to skimp on some of the steps, but like the title says, I sleep with the bionic woman. Any flicker of light, variation in white noise or doors open or closed any more or less than the desired amount will be like a blaring alarm to her and will be required to be fixed. The woman has the thinnest eyelids and most sensitive hearing of any one person I know.

Fortunately for me, as I mentioned before, I sleep very well. So even with all the prep that needs to happen I can get the winks I need without much fuss. I love her to death, but I will never understand her sleep issues, thank god!

PEACE OUT DADS!!!