WND Updates

What Now?

I think Tuesday is a great day to lay down some updates from from previous blog posts, so here goes.

1. Trip to the county fair - I received a lot (and by a lot I mean about two) of comments from parents telling me how much they dislike the good old county fair. One even went as far to say that they hate Disneyland too, like you can just lump the happiest place on earth with the freak show county fair. I know there are some families that are not into the mouse house...but our family is not one of them. In fact we have a trip planned there this December to celebrate our girls birthdays. The one downer is the price of food, I must say. You could eat all night long at your local county fair for the price of one meal at Disneyland...and almost get as sick.

2. Screaming soccer child - We have had three games since the devil possessed that little girl on our team, and I am happy to report she has been exorcised and is back to her normal sweet self, kind of. My wife, the assistant coach of the team, did have to get a little stern with her during one game. After it was over my wife had that "I'm going to kick that little girl into the goal" look....but cooler head prevailed. Another game tonight....hope full there will be no bloodshed.

3. Doctor visit - After poop smearing a piece of cardboard, getting my junk groped and welcoming Mr. Gooey Finger into my most private of privates....I have high cholesterol again! I was on medication for it about two years back, and it really helped. After loosing about 25 pounds with diet and exercise I thought I could go off the medication and all would be good. Wrong! I am here to tell you that genetics trumps good living. So now that I am back on medication I'm thinking of kicking back on the couch for about a month eating nothing but donut holes and cheese wiz. Suck on that genetics!

4. Home alone - My wife got back from her trip late on Friday night. The house was stills standing, the kids were still breathing, and I was still sane. I don't know how much longer it could have gone that way without her there. I'm glad you are back B, I love ya so much!

OK, that catches everybody up on my little life for the past couple of weeks. Have a great Tuesday and catch y'all next time.

PEACE OUT DADS!

How to be a good father

What Now?

As a general rule I try not to give too much thought into what I hear from the sit-coms I watch when it comes to my life. There are the exceptions like how I felt when my wife and I had our first child, I remembered this exchange from "Cheers":

Norm Peterson: Coach, you've had kids. Does a baby change you?
Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: Are you kidding Normie, it can't even change itself.

Or the time my wife and I were about to have sex for the first time I thought of this little diddy from "Seinfeld":

George Costanza: Why do they make the condom packets so hard to open?
Jerry: Probably to give the woman a chance to change her mind.

Well last night while watching my new favorite show, "Modern Family", I heard another one, and this one really hits home. It was said by Jay Pritchett, played by Ed O'Neill of "Married With Children" fame. He asked this question at the beginning of the show - "what does it take to be a good father?" God, don't we all want to know that!!! After 30 minuets of pure funny he answers his own question with this - "90% of being a good father is just being there."

So simple and so damn true. I consider my Dad to be a wonderful father, but if you ask me what exactly I learned from him, or what great things he told me, or what my favorite all time memory of my childhood with him was it would probably take me a while to think of something, and more than likely it would be only be half right. The one thing I know for certain is that he was always there. When things were good, bad or ugly, he was there. And back when I was growing up not all fathers were like that. Most moms stayed home to raise the kids while the dads worked long hours only to see their kids about an hour out of each day. Being an accountant meant long hours during tax season for my Dad, but he spent most of those hours working when we were in school and after we had gone to bed.

I don't think it's any surprise that many kids that have issues or problems live in homes where either the father is hardly around or gone forever. When I go to pick up my girls from school I know the kids that don't have fathers around just by the way they act, and I feel so sorry for them. Not that single mothers can't raise good kids. It's done all the time. But, I think that is a small minority.

I want to be a great dad. I want my girls to always love me and want me to be around. I know that will not always be the case. I can already sense my 7 year-old is getting that "dad is such a lame ass" attitude about her. There are going to be a lot of things that are going to be out of my control, and I accept that. But, the one thing I know I can control is to be there for my kids. It may not always be convenient, or necessary, or interesting for me...but I will be there.

PEACE OUT DADS!

Home Alone (with the kids)

What Now?

As part of her job my wife has to travel every now and again. It's really not too bad, maybe once a month for a day or two at the most. This summer we actually used one of her longer trips as a little family road trip. It was blast for the kids and we got to hang with her the whole time. Yesterday she left for California and won't be home until late tomorrow night so that means it's just me and the kids. I have been alone with them enough to know things will be fine, as far as keeping them safe, feeding them, bathing them and in general making sure they are in as good of shape when their mom gets back as they where when they left. They may get to stay up a little later than normal, or eat at McD's once or twice, or even watch a little more TV, but for the most part they will be no worse for the ware. They will have their moments when they will cry and want her home like, NOW....but like anything else with young children once their mind focuses on something else they will be fine.

I on the other hand will be counting down the seconds until her return. Don't get me wrong, I understand that her job requires her to travel, and right now it's her job that is keeping our family afloat, and for this I am truly grateful. I just hate not having her around, even for one night, let alone three. I will fill my time cleaning the house, doing laundry and even getting some yard projects taken care of that have been on my to-do list since Spring. It will pass the time and I know she loves coming home to a clean, calm home. I like doing these things and I know she appreciates me doing them. But I truly miss her. Maybe I am odd because I really don't have anyone else to talk to about the things we talk about, which is everything. She is my best friend, my career councilor, my bartender, my health care expert, my cheerleader, my exercise partner, my TV guide and the person who keeps things hot when it's "business time!"

That is a lot and she manages to do it all while still being the best Mom on the planet, a critical employee and a terrific sister, daughter, daughter-in-law, grand daughter and friend. I know I have written other posts in the past talking about the amazing woman, but in my mind I don't write enough about her and how wonderful I think she is. It really can't be put into the right words or talked about enough. She is simply the best.

Before her work trips she goes into a sense of dread, not wanting to leave but knowing she has too. I hope she knows how much her family will miss her, how much we appreciate her, and how happy her husband will be when she gets home. I miss you B, and I love you so much. Can't wait for tomorrow night.

PEACE OUT DADS!!!

You're sh!##ing me, right doc?

What Now?

This week I get to enjoy the wonderful experience of the yearly physical. I have started making these visits each year for the past 5 or so, you know, when you hit the early to mid-30's, things start to not look like, act like or feel like they used to when you were younger. I myself would probably have been one of those pig-headed guys who only saw the doctor when I had a major problem, like a dangling limb or severe head trauma. But, I have a paranoid mother and a more paranoid wife that would not let me get anything done until I made that annual appointment. Now, in their defense I must say they only pester me because they care about me and would like me to hang around this floating rock as long as possible. Either that or they have conspired together to pester me so much that I will die of annoyance soon and they will be rid of me once and for all. Hmmmmm.

It is in my best interest to get the innards looked at once a year. My family has a history of high cholesterol and prostate cancer (just found out Dad had it a couple of weeks ago). At my appointment a couple of years back I found out my cholesterol level was on the low side of bad, which is very close to the the high side of good so I don't know what the big deal was. I went on medication and dropped that number like it was hot. Then I got on this exercise and health kick and have lost over 20 lbs. since that appointment and have been off the medication since the first of the year, so I am excited to see where my numbers are now.

Here is where my story gets ugly. A week before I get to be fondled and invaded by a dude, I have to get my blood taken for lab work. This has never been an issue in the past so I had no worries as I checked myself in that morning...oh, except for fasting. I was horse eating hungry by the time I got to the office! I was called in, the nice nurse lady took three tubes of blood, she told me that I needed to leave a urine sample before I left, and then she pulled out the white envelope. I have never seen the white envelope before. It must be some kind of survey or something, you know..."How are we doing, did you enjoy your visit, should our nurses be better looking", that kind of thing. The next sentence out of her mouth would change me forever....

"This is your stool smear packet, it's pretty self explanatory but I can go over it with you if you like."

What the what? Are you kidding me? I am sure she could have gone into the gory details for me, but just hearing the words "stool" and "smear" alone made me throw up in my mouth just a little. I grabbed this little while envelope from her, pissed in the cup, and got the hell out of that place. I had the damn thing open before I hit the seat of my car and started reading.

Now, I too could go into the gory details of this little surprise with you, but I imagine you get the gist of it. I got home and set it on the table. My wife looked at it, looked at me and asked "is that a.......", before she could even finish I said yes and left the room. I could hear her laughing as I marched upstairs and crawled into bed. I don't know what it is about this little test that is causing such a problem for me. I have helped raise two human beings and there is not much that grosses me out anymore. This however raised the stakes...big time!

Well, as I right this post I can say I have completed 2/3 of the test (oh yes, there are three parts!) and I am doing OK. I should finish up soon and be ready for the real fun of the actual physical. Three cheers for getting older!!!

PEACE OUT DADS!

SCREAMING FOR SOCCER!

What Now?

Yesterday the girls' fall micro-soccer season began. Both of my girls love soccer, well..my oldest loves playing soccer and my youngest loves putting on the uniform and the after game snacks. As in past seasons we volunteered to help coach with our friends who's two daughters are best buddies with our two girls, that way they could play on the same team (the oldest girls play on one team and the youngest girls play on another). We showed up a little early so the kids could all meet and talk before the first game. I walked K, our oldest, over to her field and got her set up (which she really doesn't need anymore, but I still like to pretend I am needed in this respect). My wife and I then wait for our coaching friend at the field R will be playing at. And we wait...and wait...and wait. It seems she is running a little late so we gather up the kids so we can get the game going. Just before the first kick she comes screaming in with both of her girls in tow. She recently took a new job and so her being a little late is no big surprise. She looked a little frazzled, but my wife was there to help so I ran over to watch K's game.

At halftime of each of the games my wife and I try to switch so we can watch each girl. I ran back over to R's field to make the switch...that is when all holy hell broke loose. Our friend, the coach, was trying to console her daughter before the start of the second half (the coaches are on the field with the kids in our little league)...and that little girl was having nothing to do with that. It was clear she wanted her mom, she wanted to go home, and she didn't care who knew it. So coach mom ran back onto the field followed by her screaming daughter. And when I say screaming I don't mean just screaming. I mean she was screaming like her hair was on fire. So coach mom is trying to coach, trying to settle her daughter down and trying not to loose her mind. Thinking I could help I yelled across the field to her to see if she wanted me to take over coaching duties. She said no and continued this craziness. Another mother of the team who also knows the coach mom and her daughter tried, unsuccessfully, to calm this child down. Now, I have never met the devil, but I swear it was possessing this little girl at that moment. I even think her voice dropped several octaves and steam started pouring out of her ears while her face turned the shade of a firetruck. I could tell coach mom was about to loose it...and I mean in a big way. I can't imagine what her day was like before this, but if there was ever going to be a chance of a soccer mom coach going postal this was it. As I surveyed the scene I did overhear the devil child say she wanted to watch her sister's game. Thinking fast, for me anyway, I told her I would take her over to watch the other game...and, after giving me a look that shook me to my very core, she agreed. I ran over to the other field and dropped her off with my wife who was watching K's game. She seemed to mellow out and all was good from there on.

After both games my wife went to talk to coach mom and all coach mom could do it hug my wife and cry. I felt so bad for her...clearly this was the topper to a pretty shitty day. As the kids all enjoyed their after game snacks we talked about upcoming games and schedules. Coach mom was coming down some and devil daughter seemed to have been released from her possession. Our next game is tomorrow....might be a good one to skip.

PEACE OUT DADS!

Welcome to the county fair, please don't feed the freaks

Happy Fatherhood Friday and the end of summer!

What Now?

Were I live you know Fall has officially arrived when the good old county fair comes to town. I love just about everything about the fair. I love the ginormous pumpkins people bring in for show, I love seeing all the farm animals, even with the smell, I love the overpriced games you play and have very little chance of winning, I really love the fair food even though you feel like it wants to claw it's way back out a few hours after eating it. I even love the carnival rides, even though I am not much of a fan of heights or fast moving objects that I am sitting in being held in place by a thin band of woven fabric being labeled as a seat belt. It is all good.

The one thing I really don't love about the county fair are the large number of freaks that I get to share my experience with. And I'm not just talking about the folks that work there. You would be amazed at some of the people that attend as well. I don't mean to sound elitist...but some of these people are only a bad choice away from starring in the next episode of COPS. But these same people must be doing better financially than I am because they have no problem dropping several hundred dollars at the fair. Of course that only gets you about 30 minuets of entertainment these days....it costs less to take your family to Disneyland I swear.

While my fear of this crowd caused me to use the kung-fu grip while holding my kids hands walking through this maze of freakness, they still don't hold a candle to the run of the mill carnie. That is a whole different kind of freak in my book. It didn't even faze me when my daughter said the tooth fairy must be keeping busy at the fair since some many of the people working there were missing their teeth. No shit. She would use her time better handing out toothbrushes I said to myself.

The best story of the night was the great ferris wheel ride my wife took with our youngest (little know fact courtesy of Wikipedia - The original Ferris wheel was designed by George Washington Gale Ferris, Jr., as a landmark for the 1893 World's Colombian Exposition in Chicago. The term Ferris wheel later came to be used generically for all such rides.) They got in line and waited their turn. Our youngest is not big on rides so the fact she was willing to ride anything was a big deal. I took our oldest to ride something else and grab some cotton candy. We came back to the ferris wheel about 20 minuets later and my the line had hardly moved. What the hell? It may cost more than Disneyland but the lines usually move faster. So I grabbed a seat and we waited. 20 minuets after that they finally get on. I didn't pay too much attention, but after my wife and daughter got off she had a look of total amazement on her face. "That was the most fucked up ferris wheel ride I have ever been on!" she said.

Instead of shuffling passengers on and off in a systematic fashion, their top notch ride engineer decided it was best to unload the whole wheel, load people on one at a time, give them one spin, and then unload the whole thing again. Kind of like sitting at a stop sign that only turns green for one car at a time until there are no more cars then it's green forever. All told they spent close to an hour in line and on the ride without going around more than once interrupted. At least they got their moneys worth.

ps. Thanks to those to heard my plea for more followers...I have 4 new fans so only 69 more and have my 100...keep 'em coming!

PEACE OUT DADS!

My 100th post - break out the beer!!!

What Now?

Here it is. The wait is over. The time has come. You are one of the 5 to 7 people reading the 100th post of my blog "What Now?" It is also number 10 on the WND Top Ten list I have had going for the last couple of weeks. Pretty big stuff, eh? What started as random ramblings from a new dad blogger has turned into random ramblings of a dad blogger with 100 posts. Wow, the feelings I am feeling are...well, hmmmmm. Not much different, but I have to kinda make a big deal out of it, right? I mean, when a TV show hits 100 episodes they all eat cake after taping. When someone turns 100 years old the Today Show wheels out good ol' Willard to slap a Smuckers logo on their face. Elementary schools always make a bid deal out of the 1ooth day of school (usually that means my kids bring home 100 pieces of garbage I have to secretly throw away after they go do bed).

So what should be done to commemorate this dad's 100th blog post. I have a few ideas that I'd like to share with you...come and enjoy:

1. Maybe 73 other bloggers can become official "followers" of my blog are bring me to 100 total. I can't tell you how excited I get now when just one more person becomes a follower of my blog.....my kids call it "Daddy giving seconds of desert night!"

2. My boss could get me a more comfortable chair at work so when I write my blog posts (you know, the real important work) I can do it without jerking around like a fish out of water. I don't know what it is, but I can't sit still for more than 2 minuets these days. I'm like Kramer's girlfriend who had the "jimmy legs".

3. Getting a personal "congrats" message from the President, or at least my favorite blogger currently, Jason Mayo of Out Numbered. Here is a guy I can really relate too. He is the only male in his house....so am I. He writes a blog about him and his family....so do I. He is devilishly handsome...so am I (Thanks Madonna for helping me with this little tribute).

4. I could be wearing my most comfortable t-shirt and jeans sipping on a ice chilled glass of my favorite beer, Pipeline Porter, while my wife, wearing her sexy camisole and boy shorts, pops peanut butter filled pretzels into my mouth with Jimmy Buffett or Dean Martin playing in the background. Oh wait, that's heaven I'm talking about.

5. Maybe my sweet, darling daughters will, for just a little while, get along, clean their room, eat their dinner, brush their teeth, make their bed, do their homework, feed the dog, set the table, not watch T.V., get themselves dressed, stay in bed and everything else my wife and I ask them to do without saying "why?" afterwards. Oh wait, this is reality I'm talking about.

Instead of holding my breath for any of these things to happen, I'll just pat myself on the back, pack up for the day and go pick up my girls from school. To my 5 to 7 faithful fans, I hope you have enjoyed reading my first 100 posts as much as I have enjoyed writing them. Until number 101....

PEACE OUT DADS!