Thursday, August 13, 2009

Hair today, gone tomorrow

What Now?

In the past week my girls and their two little friends have said very, very funny things about their parents and our hairyness (I know hairyness is not a word, but it works here). These are not the first hair conversations they have had, and I am guessing they won't be their last either. When it comes to their parents the only thing kids seem more interested in talking about besides how hairy they are is the shape, size and downright odd nature of their private parts. Maybe because besides the amount of hair and the difference in private parts both kids and parents are pretty much the same. Whatever the reason is I love it because it gives us such gems as these:

Conversation #1 - I took all four kids to the local pool on a very hot day last week. I usually let the older girls loose to have their fun on the slides and diving board while I hand out in the shallow pool with the younger kids. My normal routine is to stand there and continually say "yes" every time one of the little ones asked if I will watch them do something ("WND, will you watch me while I duck my head under water....PLEASE!!!"). On this particular day I was just standing there and I notice the other parents little one staring at me. I ask her if she would like me to watch he do something and she replies "no, but you know what?" "What?" I ask. "My dad is really, really hairy!" This is funny for two reasons. 1) I am about as hairless as lizard. Besides all the normal spots I don't have much hair to speak of at all. When I do let the old beard go it resembles Cliff Clavin from the Cheers episode where all the guys have a beard growing contest (if you don't remember that show just think of dabbing your face with glue dots, then rolling around the floor of a barber shop...that is me with a beard. 2) Her dad is hairy, and I mean Sasquatch hairy. I am pretty convinced if you saw him 50 yards away you couldn't tell if he was shirtless or wearing a sweet black sweater he got for Christmas.

Conversation #2 - This comes from our friends who watch all four girls the other half of the day. The mom sent me an email saying "I won't go into how this conversation between the two little ones started, but it ended with your little girl saying her dad has really hairy armpits" So where I lack hair just about everywhere else on my body I more than make up for under my arms, at least according to my little girl. This one is not as funny as #1 until I heard the first part of the conversation. The mom said her little girl, out of the clear blue sky, tells my little girl that her mom had really, I was half expecting her to say armpits, which in itself would be funny and a little embarrassing for the mom. Instead the word VAGINA followed that sentence. Hmmmmm, awkward, ya think? My first thought is I've got nothing to follow that, no a joke, not a pun, not a personal experience I can share...nothing. My next thought was what in the hell were the girls talking about to lead them to that sharing session? What did come of out my mouth was something to the effect of "girls, let's get your stuff and"



  1. Ah - hairyness, gentitalia, and body noises - the backbone of childhood humour (and probably for me still are!)

    Thanks for this


  2. i want you to know i am permanently scarred by the photo accompanying this post. if i have nightmares i will hold you personally responsible, because that photo reminds me of a dude i saw when i lived in vegas that had an abundance of tight dark curly hairs all over his body. he was wearing his 365 day a year woolly nubbed sweater. gross. i'm not adverse to body hair except for when it has a life of it's own. btw, kids say the funniest things, sometimes things you don't even know they know about. hehe :)

  3. Ha, ha, haaa . . . Perfect Friday post. And I agree with ciara -- that photo is too much.

  4. AHAHAHA! That is great! Time to break out the razor.

  5. I have alway liked you, but now that you have referenced a Cheers episode I am moving you way up the list. You will remember that Cliff won that contest so never be deterred by you lizard like lack of hair.

  6. If your wife has a hairy vagina, she should really have a medical professional take a look.
    Kids are way to funny.

  7. Kids and their conversations, it makes you wonder what is going on in their brains. Kids can be hysterical . . . if they are not talking about you.
    The photo is um, disturbing. Well, at least it's a "what were you thinking?" kind of thing.
    Cheers, what a show that was!