Monday, September 14, 2009

WND Top Ten - Gross is in the eyes of the beholder


The number 8 post on my "What Now Dad?" top ten post list is gross, or at least that is what I would have said before having kids. Since that night when my wife gave birth to our first child I can tolerate things that would have made me hurl like I did back in college after drinking a half rack and eating a 3 day old burrito. As a parent you develop a immunity to lots of grossness that happens around or on you almost daily. I remember changing that first diaper at the hospital. No one told me that instead of regular old human poop your newborn will unleash a title wave of black goo sure to make even the strongest of dads wretch! After 7+ years of daddyhood I can now say that just about any body fluid, or solid, barley fazes that the first sign of getting too old?

Oops, I crapped my pants!

The other night at 5am I was woken up to the sound of someone puking their brains out in our bathroom. I stumbled my way to the door to see our oldest with her head in the toilet and my wife holding her hair back. My wife made an excellent puck friend for her sorority sisters so she knew exactly how to handle this situation. I went back to bed, my wife followed shortly and K grabbed a blanket and slept on the bathroom floor.The next day K was treated to endless runs to the bathroom to take care of the runs she was feeling out of the other end. Unfortunately for her, and us, she has yet to experience the issues this kind of illness can have on your bowel control, thus...SHARTING! I was amazed that when describing K's issues with a friend they had never heard of the word shart. It's a simple combination of the words shit and fart, and is used often in our house, mostly as means to disgust or humor someone.I don't know when in human development people start to figure out that when you have diarrhea, and you also fee like you have to pass gas, that it's best to make your way to the toilet or risk brown streaking your underwear, pants and very possibility the chair you are sitting on. I know there are still some adults that have problem with this control, not first hand of course..I don't shart, let me tell you a funny story now.Friends of ours were telling us about their 9 year old son who refused to wear underwear. Even while playing sports he won't wear it, a jock strap or cup. After a long, hot baseball game the son ditched his clothes in the laundry room and headed upstairs. Our friend went in right after him to discover a rather large dirt trail in the seat of his uniform pants. She called him down and asked if he was feeling ok? He replied "I was just playing really hard out there mom!"Sharting is never fun and for the child who experience it for the first (and in my daughters case over the last couple of days, 7th) time it can really be a head trip. Speaking of trips, this morning I almost tripped over one of her freshly soiled pairs of that is a wake up call.As I wrap up the post my daughter, on her way downstairs, just informed me that the "area" that her poop comes from looks a little purple, while her sister's looks reddish. Nice!



  1. How nice that your daughter discussed the colors of her and her sister's "area" with you. Don't you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
    Kids can be the grossest things on the planet, deliberately or not, yet we still love our own.
    BTW, I love the word "shart."

  2. LOL Shart...LOL..I never heard that before.

    Even when discussing gross're still HOT LOL
    Way to go...still laughing

  3. I have no idea how I landed here. I am a little bit afraid, but I will follow because I am brave