Friday, November 13, 2009

Where's the beef? Part 2

What Now?
OK, so maybe my wife was dropping subtle hints about less meaty eating plan at our house before the infamous "tofu taco" night. I remember her remarks about how cute the pigs were after going to the county fair, and what a shame it was that we ate them. Heck, we've been on turkey bacon for over a year now and I've kinda gotten to like it, that was until I had a sample taste of real bacon on a recent Costco trip...hmmmmm, real bacon. They needed the janitor to come and mop up my drool puddle. My wife is also a bit of a Internet news junkie, and focuses on stories related to how meat is processed and all the additives and preservatives they use in it. She already feels that our kids are exposed to way too many unnatural things and that feeding them standard (and by standard I mean not "organic) meat will just mess them up more then I already do. So the grassroots campaigning for a less meaty house diet was in the works for months, the action plan came with tofu tacos. The insurgence came a few days later at breakfast. We had my wife's sister and her two sons overnight and the next morning I came downstairs to the smell of a big home cooked breakfast. All the kids had already cleaned off their plates and my wife and sister-in-law were digging into theirs. I grab a plate and start to load up. Pancakes, eggs and sausage. Yummy, yum...hey, what a sec. What's up with the sausage? It looks a little like the sausage that comes in the fake food set we got the girls for Christmas to go with their Dora kitchen set. Oh well, I am still trying to wake up and I'm starving so what the heck, I load it up. A few bites in I must have a look on my face that triggers my wife to ask "how do you like your breakfast honey?" I turn to answer her, with a mouth half full of food " there something different about the sausage this morning?" "Well,'s not real sausage...can you tell the difference?" I swallow it down, take a big gulp of water and reply "yes, because I do know what real sausage tastes like, so yes...I can tell a difference." Now any married man who likes to avoid conflict will tell you the worst possible time and place to question your wife's cooking choices are anywhere that one of her family members is present, especially her sister. I calmly took my plate over to the table and dreamt about real meat while eating my breakfast.

Now please don't take my comments to be a negative attitude towards my wife or her family diet choices. I understand her need to feed our family healthy alternatives and try to keep as our bodies as chemical free as possible. I also know that I will get used to the new diet plan and probably be better for it. I'll just need to come up with creative reasons to make more trips to Costco so I can visit Marge, the real bacon sample lady, to remind myself of what meat really tastes like. Oh Marge, I love ya baby!

Peace out Dads, and have a great weekend!


  1. Oh man. You are in for a lifelong world of hurt! Maybe you could talk your wife into buying a side of beef of pigs or chickens directly from farms. They are 'organic' and free range and all that hooky stuff and they are real meat to boot!

  2. Is there any chance you could have a section of the fridge just for your "unnatural non-organic foods" so when the urge hits you, you can fry up your bacon, or indulge in real meat tacos? This way you can eat healthy most of the time and indulge once in a while. It's either that or drooling over Marge constantly. LOL