WND Top Ten - Back to high school

What Now?

Almost there..the end of my WND Top Ten list and my 100th blog post. So, number 9 on the list got a lot of reaction when I first posted it back in July. It goes into my feelings about my 20th high school reunion and I think there are two sides of this issue for most folks my age. The first side can't wait for the reunion and to catch up with old friends. The other side would rather shove a hot poker up their ass before they would go. This has a lot to do with the kind of experience you have in high school. I myself had a great one, and I looked forward to the event and when it was all said and done I had a great time. I was lucky enough to attend my wife's 20th as well a month later. I think she actually fell somewhere in the middle....kind of wanting to attend but not super excited about it. I told her we should go, she would have a good time.....and about an hour into the first event I thought she was going to kill me. From a weirdo ex-boyfriend type trying to pawn his daughter on us to the snobby bitch breaking into every conversation like we wanted her there it was bad. The food kinda sucked too so there went my enjoyment! Fortunately she rallied and it ended up being a great time. The jury is still out on if we'll make her 30th or not.

The 20th Reunion

This post is number 80 for me and my little blog. To be honest I started this blog with no real idea of where to take it or what I wanted it to accomplish. There were time early on that I just about walked away. But, thanks to the encouragement of my wife, the computer dork and currently my sugar mama, I continued. And I am very glad I did. Being a part-time-stay-at-home dad does have it's many adventures, and what a great outlet to talk about them. I have met some other great dad (and mom) bloggers out there in the interweb and have become a big fan of their blogs. This technology really is amazing. As a good friend of mine said recently "I think this Internet thing just might catch on!"So, to mark this mini-milestone I thought I would talk a little bit today about another milestone in my life, my 20th high school reunion. My god, how could this be happening now? It seems like not too long ago I was going to my 10th. Since that time I have moved back to my home town, changed jobs twice, had two kids, lost about 30 pounds and settled into my new role as PTSAH dad. The only thing that is the same is my marriage to the most wonderful woman on earth (I love ya crouton!).I have talked to several people much, much older than me about the big 20th reunion and they all say it will be so much better than the 10th. No one will showing off, name dropping, job bragging, big timing like at the 10th. People are more real, they have families, they really are there to see old friends and tell old stories. To be honest I really enjoyed my 10th and have been looking forward to the 20th. There is however some nervousness I am feeling the day before I see people I haven't seen in over a decade.I am terrible with names. I can meet someone for the first time and forget their name 5 seconds later. How the hell am I going to do with people I haven't seen for years? How many "Hey buddy, hey champ, hey dude, hey lady" intros will I be able to get away with before I just freeze? I dug out my yearbook to try and cramp for this reunion exam, but that will only help if everyone looks the same as they did 20 years ago...fat chance. I can hold out hope for big ass name tags I guess, but if they don't have those I am screwed.I really should be no big deal. My wife thinks I'm a total dork for even worrying about it. She is my ultimate back-up plan for social events like this, introducing herself to everyone right away to get a name. It works pretty well, unless she forgets...then I really look like a fuck up. "Uhhh, Mrs. Whatnowdad, this is....uhhh, O shit...there is so-and-so, please excuse me!"What I am really excited about is the family picnic. Here I will get to see what the offspring look like, and try to imagine if they are anything like their parents were back in the day. Will the nerds have nerdy kids? Will the alternative/punk/goth parents dress their kids up in black? Will the hicks ride in with their kids on horseback. Will the jocks be tossing the old pig skin around with there kids? Will that one really hot chick from 3rd period science have a really hot 21 year old daughter and will they be wearing matching bikinis? Is that last one pretty sick? Probably...but you gotta wonder, right?And what will everyone think of my kids? Do they at all resemble what I was like as a kid, or are they more like me now? Maybe a good cross of both.After the weekend I'll give a full report on all the activities as I'm sure there should be some nuggets of entertainment to share.Until then....

PEACE OUT DADS!

WND Top Ten - Gross is in the eyes of the beholder

WHAT NOW?

The number 8 post on my "What Now Dad?" top ten post list is gross, or at least that is what I would have said before having kids. Since that night when my wife gave birth to our first child I can tolerate things that would have made me hurl like I did back in college after drinking a half rack and eating a 3 day old burrito. As a parent you develop a immunity to lots of grossness that happens around or on you almost daily. I remember changing that first diaper at the hospital. No one told me that instead of regular old human poop your newborn will unleash a title wave of black goo sure to make even the strongest of dads wretch! After 7+ years of daddyhood I can now say that just about any body fluid, or solid, barley fazes me.....is that the first sign of getting too old?

Oops, I crapped my pants!

The other night at 5am I was woken up to the sound of someone puking their brains out in our bathroom. I stumbled my way to the door to see our oldest with her head in the toilet and my wife holding her hair back. My wife made an excellent puck friend for her sorority sisters so she knew exactly how to handle this situation. I went back to bed, my wife followed shortly and K grabbed a blanket and slept on the bathroom floor.The next day K was treated to endless runs to the bathroom to take care of the runs she was feeling out of the other end. Unfortunately for her, and us, she has yet to experience the issues this kind of illness can have on your bowel control, thus...SHARTING! I was amazed that when describing K's issues with a friend they had never heard of the word shart. It's a simple combination of the words shit and fart, and is used often in our house, mostly as means to disgust or humor someone.I don't know when in human development people start to figure out that when you have diarrhea, and you also fee like you have to pass gas, that it's best to make your way to the toilet or risk brown streaking your underwear, pants and very possibility the chair you are sitting on. I know there are still some adults that have problem with this control, not first hand of course..I don't shart anymore...eh, let me tell you a funny story now.Friends of ours were telling us about their 9 year old son who refused to wear underwear. Even while playing sports he won't wear it, a jock strap or cup. After a long, hot baseball game the son ditched his clothes in the laundry room and headed upstairs. Our friend went in right after him to discover a rather large dirt trail in the seat of his uniform pants. She called him down and asked if he was feeling ok? He replied "I was just playing really hard out there mom!"Sharting is never fun and for the child who experience it for the first (and in my daughters case over the last couple of days, 7th) time it can really be a head trip. Speaking of trips, this morning I almost tripped over one of her freshly soiled pairs of undies...now that is a wake up call.As I wrap up the post my daughter, on her way downstairs, just informed me that the "area" that her poop comes from looks a little purple, while her sister's looks reddish. Nice!

PEACE OUT DADS!!!

WND Top Ten - Let's Talk About Sex Baby

What Now?

It's Friday and I am feeling good. For the #7 post on my What Now Dad top ten list I bring you SEX, or at least my view on the subject at it pertains to parents. I think sex is a very important element to a good marriage and in order to have a good sex life you need trust, communication and good old fashion lust. My wife is probably just like a lot of moms out there who can pick apart their own body and the flaws they think they have. In my eyes my wife has never been sexier, and when it's Business Time we can really put on a show. I know for a fact that the sex we have now is 100 times better than when we first started dating....and that makes WND a very happy boy. Enjoy this post and your weekend!

The Sex Post

For my post today I have decided to weigh in on the hot topic of sex. My number 1a favorite activity that happens in bed. In my previous post I talked about my number 1b favorite, sleep. But, come on...I'm a guy. Do you really think they are that close in my ranking system? Well, I guess that depends on the day. And today sex is my number one topic! Specifically my views of the sex lives of married parents. It seems like this is a topic that every parent blogger, married or not, will discuss at some point of their blogging lives. There is a very good reason why I have decided now was my time....cheap and easy readership. I mean really, who will pass up the chance to read a blog titled THE SEX POST? Whether you are getting some, not getting any, getting just enough to get by or getting more than Kid Rock...you are gonna read this post. I just have the awesome responsibility to do the subject justice. And since it is Fatherhood Friday over at Dad Blogs you could not ask for better timing. So why the all caps, very obvious headline? Well, while I keep a total anonymous profile, there are members of my immediate family that do read this blog, so Mom, how about you stop right here and skip over to one of your scrap booking sites. It will be better for both of us if you do.OK, so what is my well thought out, very detailed, original view of the sex lives of married parents???SEX IS GREAT!Now, for those of you who are looking for a little more thought, a little more detail, a little more original (I'm talking to the women reading this post) please read on.Sex is the fabric that holds a marriage together. Sure, there are many other things that are also important...most of which don't come to mind at the moment, but sex is the glue, the staples, the duct tape (we could go off on some strange fetish with that one, but I digress). When I was first dating my wife up to about, oh, say seven years ago before our first child was born, I was way more into quantity instead of quality. Don't get me wrong, I think every time my wife and I have had sex it's been great, but this is the male perspective so take that with a grain of salt. I wanted it all the time. It was like I was having my own personal contest with Wilt Chamberlain or something (although his count was with different women, but again, I digress). It took the birth of my two children and the amazing patience of my wife to teach me that quality is what counts when it comes to sex. I don't have to tell anybody with kids that sex gets put on the back burner every now and again. This is something that women understand instantly, but for men it takes a while, like years.So how did I enter the temple of enlightenment? Did I take a seminar or consult a therapist or even better yet, read a great blog post like this one? I don't really know, but what I do know is that I am much happier with our sex life then I ever have been, and that includes when we did it like bunnies back in college. I don't know if it's age, the fact both of us is eating better and working out more, or just the inner peace I have, but you just can't touch the sex we have now. I can't even really find the proper words to describe it..but in the words of Def Leppard's classic Pour Some Sugar On Me....

"You got the peaches, I got the cream - Sweet to taste, saccharine - 'Cos I'm hot, say what, sticky sweet - From my head, my head, to my feet

Do you take sugar? one lump or two? - Take a bottle, shake it up - Break the bubble, break it up - Pour some sugar on me"

PEACE OUT DADS!

WND Top Ten - Accomplishment

What Now?

Number 6 on my WND top ten post list of all time is my favorite post because it talks about the single biggest accomplishment I have ever achieved personally. It also marks a real turning point in my life and how I now go about every day and how I feel about myself. Someone said that if you can run a mile you can run a marathon...and I am living proof!

The Story Of My First Marathon

This story starts off with a beautiful day, perfect for running. I was excited, nervous and really ready to get this thing started. At 7am the gun goes off and away I go with 300 fellow nut jobs. I felt strong and determined..today was going to be my day. I made sure to stop at every drink station, I mixed in a little walking, but not as much as I did during training. Things were going great. After 10 miles I was at a sub 10-minute mile pace. WOW. I felt like I could back it up a bit and still make my time goal, sub five hours. Miles 11 to 15 went slower. The major hill was during this stretch, I walked a little more and at the turn around I grabbed some cookies and took an extended walk. I was still in great shape for my time goal, all I had to do was bring it home. It was just past mile 15 that it hit me…the hamstring cramp…OH SHIT! I had the same thing happen after my 10 miler a couple of weeks ago. This was no ordinary cramp…this felt like a sniper had shot me in the back of the leg. Damn….what now. I stopped, because I could not move forward anymore. I straightened out my leg, because to bend it would only increase the pain. There I stretched it and rested. After the same thing happened during training I was able to loosen it up enough to walk for about a half mile or so. I would not stop here. I started to walk, stopping every few feet to straighten and stretch. After a bit I was back in the race. Walking for a good while then able to start running again. I was off my pace, but still able to get under that 5 hour mark if there were no more delays. At the 20 mile mark I had another delay. The cramp was back, and worse. This was bad. 20 miles was the longest I had ever run during training, and my body seemed to be telling me it was not going any further than that. Again I stopped, straighten my leg and stretched. This time it was closer to 10 minuets before I could start walking again. It was about this time that B came riding up to me on her bike…my guardian angel. She herself ran the 1/2 marathon with her sister, my sister and a good friend from high school. She wanted to make sure I was doing OK, I told her I was not. She rode with me while I walked and tried to run more. After a few strides of running I could feel the hamstring tighten up. Stop, walk. Now the chance to get under 5 hours was out the window unless things changed dramatically with my leg. I drank more fluid. B got me some salt tablets. I stopped to stretch more. Mile 21 and 22 pass and no sign of my leg getting better. Time to switch to goal B…just finish. I told myself before the run I wanted to get under 5 hours, but if that was not going to happen then finishing would be good enough and there would be no disappointment. Well, at this point in the race I am disappointed, but only with my leg. My wind felt great, I was feeling strong mentally. There was nothing that would have slowed me down except my damn leg. This was something out of my control and I just had to suck it up and keep moving forward, even at fast walk pace. With about 3 miles left the rest of my support crew was there cheering me on. My kids, my parents, B’s family…wow. I was excited to see them all, but was not expecting the emotion I felt. I gave some high fives and kept going….not saying a word for fear of opening up the flood gates. Pretty soon I could see the finish, it was about a mile or so away, but I could see it. I was past the 5 hour mark by now, but it didn’t matter…the finish was in sight. With about a 1/4 of a mile left I started to run again….everyone has to cross the finish line running right? Wrong. My leg quickly reminded me that it had given up at mile 20, and that my mind was not going to make it do anything it didn’t want to. Stop, straighten and stretch. The finish line was a stones throw away and I was not moving another step until my leg was ready. That is when it hit me…emotion so strong that I could not hold it back. Tears started to flow. My family was cheering me on, urging me to cross that line, and I was a mess, both physically and emotionally. B was at the finish line waiting for me. My sister was next to me telling me I could do it. Finally, after what seemed like forever, I stood up and started walking No longer able to run. My body would not allow that. I walked across that finish line with my head up and a true feeling of accomplishment inside. I did it. I finished a marathon. Something only 10 months ago I would have never even considered. A volunteer handed me my medal, the announcer read off my name..I did it. I really did it. B was there with a big hug..god I love that woman. I can’t imagine what those last 6 miles would have been like without her there. My parents, sister, nephews, nieces, in-laws and friends were there with congratulations and you did it and way to go. Wow. I was able to compose myself enough to thank them all, and to soak up the moment. Until yesterday the longest running race I had ever done was 7 miles. Until just over a year ago the longest running workout I would even consider was no more than a mile or two, my legs hurt too much to do much more. Now I can say I am a marathon runner. Now I can say there is really nothing I can’t accomplish if I really set my mind to it. Now things are different and will never be the same. As I write this my legs hurt like they have never hurt before. I am looking forward to taking some time off from training and just resting. Then, after a little rest and a little reflection it’s time to choose my next goal….stay tuned!

PEACE OUT DADS!!!

We return to the WND Top Ten - Sleeping Perfection

What Now?

I'm back with #5 in my own personal What Now Dad top ten post list. I have gone with a post that describes the bed time routine of my wife, who, admittedly goes through this insane ritual and still does not sleep that great. I now know what her nights are like as I myself, a champion among champion sleepers, has had a few restless nights. One new item to add to her list includes propping a magazine in the window at just the right spot to block out any light coming from the outside street light located about half a block away. Oh, and it's just the light that is not getting blocked by the two massive trees we have in our front yard, oh and the closed blinds too. That is some persistent light that she has to shade...no wonder she has a hard time sleeping!

Sleeping with the bionic woman.

When reading the title of this post there is a chance you might think I am writing about something else...something sexual. Before you get too excited please rest assured that this is about sleep, and nothing more than sleep. It should still entertain you, but I didn't want your hopes built up and then squashed like a bug. So with that, here goes...

I am one of those people that has no problem whatsoever sleeping. I fall asleep fast, stay asleep all night, and wake up refreshed and ready for the day (for the most part). My wife on the other hand is the complete and total opposite. It takes her forever to get to sleep, she will wake up at just about anything (to be explained further) and mornings are, let's just say a little rough on her.

Her pre-bed routine goes a little something like this:

1. Make sure all lights are out, including, but not limited too nightlights, street lights, flash lights, lighting and lightning bugs. And I mean out! If you think that closing a door of a bathroom with a nightlight is sufficient, you are so wrong.

2. Make sure the white noise is on and set at the proper volume. In our bedroom the bedroom fan serves this purpose. To control the volume the door to the bathroom must be no more and no less than 6 inches open. Stray from this measurement will only require trying again.

3. Make sure all 6 pillows are in their proper place. I think she could have double this amount, but then I would be sleeping on the floor.

4. Make sure the door to the girls room is open the right amount. This is close to the 6 inch rule for our bathroom door, but there is a little more flexibility here.

5. Make sure the TV is on, but at a low volume, until she is close to sleep. If she is in control of this I get to watch some fat chick cooking and not being able to hear what she is talking about. If I am in control I can watch what I like, but still not hear.

She may also need a little "self-medication" help in the form of a Tylenol PM, but that is only in extreme circumstances. If all five steps are taken care of then it should only take an hour or two for her to drift into dreamland. If any of the above steps are changed while she is sleeping then the chances of her waking are high and it will take another couple of hours for her to get back to sleep. When you throw in visits from our youngest at 2am you can guess what the result is.

I try to skimp on some of the steps, but like the title says, I sleep with the bionic woman. Any flicker of light, variation in white noise or doors open or closed any more or less than the desired amount will be like a blaring alarm to her and will be required to be fixed. The woman has the thinnest eyelids and most sensitive hearing of any one person I know.

Fortunately for me, as I mentioned before, I sleep very well. So even with all the prep that needs to happen I can get the winks I need without much fuss. I love her to death, but I will never understand her sleep issues, thank god!

PEACE OUT DADS!!!

Cancer, really?

What Now?

So I am going to take a little blog post break from counting down my top ten WND posts. Last week my Dad had his physical and his level of something I can't remember was a lot higher than his last physical so they wanted to do a prostate biopsy to check for cancer. My Dad's dad has prostate cancer later in his life so the chances were pretty decent that my Dad might have it too. I really didn't give it much thought, not because I don't care about the health of my Dad, but because cancer isn't something that really happened in our family at such a young age (I can now say 60 something is not old since I am close to 40).

So tonight my Mom called to tell me the test came back positive. "What does that mean?" I asked..kind of knowing but not really wanting to. It means there is cancer there. Cancer, really? Talk about your head filling up with more thoughts than you can process. Now, before I get too deep into this I have come to realize that in the world of cancers, prostate cancer is like the minor leagues. And when caught early, like in my Dad's case, it is very treatable. Hell, I even learned that eventually every man will get it if he lives long enough. Now that is crazy shit.

So, before I was calmed by all this my thoughts are about my Dad, his health, me, my health, human mortality...damn, I didn't want to think about this stuff, not now...not ever. Like I mentioned before I have never really had to deal directly with this stuff in my life so I really don't know how to react or what to think. I'm not an idiot, I know that everyone has to deal with death...but I also know it can never be easy.

I am fortunate in my family to have many health care specialists in it. Right away we had names of great doctors for my Dad to call. As my Mom said, he is more concerned with the treatment than the actual cancer at this point. Both my Mom and Wife have made me feel at ease with this news and for this I am so thankful.

Not the most uplifting blog post in the word, but I know it will have a good ending....stay posted, I'm sure I'll be talking about this more down the road.

PEACE OUT DADS...AND KEEP YOUR REGULAR DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS PLEASE!

WND Top Ten - Got a question?

What Now?

Number four on my What Now Dad top ten post list is a personal favorite of mine, and I know most parents can relate. My 5 year old is the question queen, and there is no one who is safe from her and her inquiries. We flew to Hawaii and for all 6 hours we were in the air I don't think she stopped asking questions to take a breath. The best two questions from her to date goes a little something like this (and they both have to do with moose...go figure):

Question #1

R - Daddy, I don't like that moose head in Bruce and Kathleen's house.

Me - I know you don't R.

R - Daddy, if Bruce and Kathleen move they will have to take the moose head in their house with them, right?

Me - Right.

R - Why?

Question #2

R - Daddy, I don't like the moose mascot at the pool.

Me - I know you don't R.

R - He is scary.

Me - I know, but what are you going to do when we go to Disneyland?

R - Why, do they have a moose too?

Questions, Questions.

Am I the only Dad that feels like he fields more questions in one day than Alex Trebek has over his whole career on Jeopardy? My kids, especially my youngest "R", can weave a web of questions that after a while has my head spinning so much that I feel like driving my car straight into the next stop sign. I love how curious they are, and I love being able to answer their questions and fill their heads with information....but there are times I just want to say "please stop asking me questions and let me be!" But then I am reminded that in the not so far away future the questions will be asked less, and less and maybe even stop. That worries me more than anything else. So, what is your next question?

PEACE OUT DADS!!!