Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Sorry, I don't speak baby talk!


One of the greatest joys of parenthood, in my opinion, is hearing your baby speak for the very first time. This is one of those huge moments for any parent (and for the baby too I suppose). The feelings you get can't be described and nobody will understand it until they can experience it themselves with their own child. It almost makes you want to have more, but then you slap yourself, take a cold shower, pour a big ol' glass of wine and remember all the other stuff that comes with a babies first words, like the 5 million diaper changes.

So, why is it that for me there is nothing as pure and wonderful as a baby's first words, but when my 5-year old talks baby talk I want to drive nails through my ears? Nothing drives me up the wall more than that and it seems like the more I tell her to stop it, the more she does it. I understand that all kids go through stages, and the baby talking stage is bound to rear it's ugly head eventually, but my god it has to stop and soon, or I just might trade in the 5-year-old for a real baby so help me God!

I remember a girl in my wife's sorority that constantly talked like a baby. BITCH PLEEZE!!! I mean come on! She was very attractive, somewhat intelligent, had a great personality and was very popular with the boys (maybe too popular if you know what I mean). When I would talk to her and she would break out the baby talk I would, in my mind of course, look at her like she had lobsters crawling out of her ears. I always wondered if she did that during sexy time? I can't even imagine what a guy would do, either laugh out loud, run and hide or punch her in the throat. Then again it was college, and most horny college guys will put up with pretty much anything to get laid, right?

So if anybody out there in daddy blog land has been down this road to madness with their little angel I would love a little advice. I don't want to trade in the 5-year-old, besides the baby talk I've grown very fond of her. Until I get this thing fixed my posts might have a wee bit of crazy laced in them....just another day for the part-time-stay-at-home dad!


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